Saturday, December 23, 2000

maybe i read into things too much
or jump to conclusions too quickly.
maybe i'm just paranoid
or maybe its my low self esteem
but no matter how hard i try
to ignore the mantra
repeating endlessly in my head,
(i wish i was dead... i wish i was dead...)
it will never go away.
my thoughts drift to you
lies
pain
how you led me on
and i walk away...
regretting everything
(i wish you were dead... i wish you were dead...)
Mad Girls Love Song

i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
i lift my lids and all is born again.
(i think i made you up inside my head)

the stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
and arbritrary darkness gallops in:
i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

i dreamed you bewitched me in bed
and sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(i think i made you up inside my head)

god topples from the sky, hells fires fade:
exit seraphim and satan's men:
i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

i fancied you'd return the way you said
but i grow old and i forgot your name.
(i think i made you up inside my head)

i should have loved a thunderbird instead;
at least when spring comes the roar back again,
i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead
(i think i made you up inside my head)

*sylvia plath*

Thursday, December 21, 2000

late nites
and heavy
skies.
conversations
ease raging
insecurities.
and love
grows from
what we have...
blooming like the first
spring flowers do
after a cold
harsh winter.
better seasons
hold better days
and warmer
hearts.
(and no matter
how great
the distance
becomes...
it will
never
come between
us.)

Monday, December 18, 2000

*fallen into angel arms*

into her eyes.
i swear i saw
angels in them
peering back...
and in her
lips
heaven lies
touching them
to mine
and
(!)

<3 last nite
looking up at
all those stars
and all those
infinities and dreams
it's all
that came
to mind.
and as i stepped
off that bus
my
hands shoke
and everyone
turned
to hear
my pounding
heart.
choked for words
i managed a
hug,
and touching
for the first
time i
closed my eyes
absorbing her
beauty and
love, and
words just
failed me
once more
(but thats
fine)
through the
silence
i could
tell that
her heart
was just
as
much mine
as mine
was
hers <3

i thought that the wind would blow us right off of that bridge. laughing, you grinned as i rapped to you, all dimples in my old "borrowed" (forever) t shirt. and the moon looked like an orange section in the sky. *I <3 Jess* said the graffitti, and that made me smile even thought it was for some other girl. there was lightening in the distance . the winds were like a hurricane and we told stories about when we were kids as we drove along the deserted ocean parkway...
unfinished.
i never finish anything. argh.
i apologize for trailing off with this thought but i dont know what else to say. words. nothing. rearranging needed. or something.
its just good to have something new posted to here.
xoxox
jesss