Thursday, January 04, 2001

i would love to ask you if you have any idea how much you've hurt me...but i cant, which is unusual. im not normally so shy about things like this.. things that i really want (need) to know..but this time its different. because i dont want to admit to you (or to myself) how much you've really hurt me. and because immedietly after i would have to ask another question (do you even care?) and i know i wouldn't be able to handle your answer.. although i already know it. no one else cares...why should you be any different?

Wednesday, January 03, 2001

"sometimes you get
so sad you cant cry"
i told her...
and i hear one
lie
after
another
but it never gets better
no matter what they
tell you
and shes not in
the bath tub (i just
checked...)
waving down, i dont know
possibly.
but i still got sad
hearing her talk
lies to
little girls
where is my mommy?
heaven?
did angels take her
to ride
on white horses
with wings?


Monday, January 01, 2001

"...you living is a waste of a perfectly healthy heart...you showed me what love is, a fairy tale that fades with age...i'd open my wrists to mend this hearts hurt to a bitter end if i dare again...your starlit silhouette on the side of a bright interstate i regret...for every kiss i regret, for everyday i regret, for every apology that i regret there's one thousand times the regret for giving you the time of day..." - red roses for a blue lady
"i wish you a broken <3, and a happy new year"
sitting with new friends
singing weezer songs
and forgetting the world.
watching the clock..
waiting to start over.
telling me to break my edge
its new years... you have to
(i dont have to do anything)
your year will suck if you don't
(my year will suck if i do...
...what does it matter?)

you're reasons aren't good enough
(they're good enough for me)
another year slowly passes,
yet nothing has changed
pain, tears, hurt feelings..
they're all still there.
and if new years resolutions
were meant to be broken,
then mine is..
to be happy.

not sleepy just cold and lonely. so far i've been missing you all year.

Sunday, December 31, 2000



yeah yeah... stupid holidays