Saturday, January 13, 2001

*pieces will fall*

days not over
still much to
be said,
and much to
be done.
plans
begin to
arise and
days begin
to lengthen
and sooner
or later
pieces will
fall into place
and hearts
will take
form
closing distance
with one
final journey
south
and thoughts
of warm forevers
fill the skies
between
massachusetts
and
florida <3

Thursday, January 11, 2001

cupid is my next victim
i will burn that big heart
angel wings, arrows in flames
even his blood can never wash away
dark evenings &
"please hold me's"
>opening my
heart
pens
copy
word for
word
emotions
trapped
in
black
secret minds.
take
sadness
from my
happiness,
nothing was
ever there
for you
to hold.
dont pretend
there
was<

Wednesday, January 10, 2001

sometimes i think
if i could just wear a sign on my heart...
"CAREFUL: FRAGILE!"
everything would be okay.
person #1 - dont touch me! dont question me! dont speak to me! stay with me!
person #2 - but did i ever leave you?
#1 - you let me go
*why must
this go on?
boston had
ended it
for me.
but still,
after all
has been
said, done,
and
sliced into
wrists
she won't
stop.
what else
could i have
meant by
never?*
* 4:40am *

4:40am
one thousand some odd miles
south
she sleeps
and im
left awake
without her.
the farther apart
we get
the colder
everything is...
as snow falls on sleepy
newark
i listen
one more
time
to
the tapes,
and pour
over
photo booth
creations
into her
eyes.
perfect love
1500 miles
apart
converstations
becoming
letters
and phone
calls
turning into
hugs
and long
walks...
the stars
were in on
this one
thinking alone
tears
without her...
her eyes.
eyes that
cried for me
i see them
when i dream
backwoods
nowhere
somewhere in
southcarolina
cotton fields
fly by
my lonely
breaking heart
listening to
tapes she
made me
i brush away
tears.
its getting colder
without her
in my arms.
its funny how
your tears make me cry
and i stay up the night
worrying about
how i can be a better freind to you
make you happier
and
you dont even care when i'm crying
because we arent freinds.
"we believe in ourselves as we do not believe in others....that which we call sin in others is experimenting in ourselves"
-emmerson
another best freind walked away
forever.
betrayal... this hurts worse than last time. ever.
how could i have trusted anyone again ?
first runner up..
first loser.
no one ever notices the tears of second place.
i should have learned.
freinds dont count.
freinds dont count.
twice.. three times this summer i learned that...
once forgiven.. twice forgotten..
forever unchosen.
fuck you.
whine whine whine.......
shut up.
i'm tired of sad emo kids !
grow a fucking spine.

Monday, January 08, 2001

there's so many things i want to say
but just cant get the words out
everything i feel...
anger, hurt, disgust
all turns into confusion,
and no matter how long i sit here
i cant make a coherent sentence
out of any of it.
i know that i was stupid
i know its all my fault
and i hate that im always so
god damn emotional
about everything.
i just wish that for once
people would tell me things
and i wouldn't have to find them out myself.
i wish that someone..
anyone..
actually cared about my feelings.



every word i read
breaks my heart more and more.
i still remember the very first thing i thought
the very first time i saw you,
and its still true.
yet i want to hate you.
i try very hard to hate you.
but i can't
no matter how many times
you rip out my heart and crush it,
i'll never be able to hate you.
no matter how many times
you lie to me,
i'll still trust you with everything.
and no matter how many times
i tell myself
"it will be better in the morning"
i still wake up in tears.
noticing the date my heart shutters...
i close my watering eyes
wishing it all to start again...
why cant my days
be like those
in groundhog day?
repeating over and
over
just so i
could
never leave...
so i could wake
up
every
morning,
knowing i would
be
able to stare into
her brown angel eyes...
day after day...
hearing her voice,
her heartbeat
against my ear.
stuck going back
alone
with nothing
more than future
hopes
pictures
and memories...
(c o l d)
my heart
stays
behind


i turn to find tears
not just my own
falling
one by one
holding
me in her arms
i could feel it
all rushing
in...
all that we have become...
what we share, feel
touch,
love
dream...
everything...
that is exactly what
she became at that moment
...ear resting on her
heartbeat
loving eyes water
red with
love
and sadness...


*somehow
it seems like
everytime
that
we
are
together
we see
*fireworks*