Saturday, January 27, 2001

when i look into your eyes, i know what you're thinking. dreaded days approaching. i won't make it through the storm. if i told you, maybe you would stay a little longer.

Wednesday, January 24, 2001

to never see
i would do
almost anything.
driven beyond
the dissatisfaction
of you
your choking
words beg
as to my desire
my desire,
my relief
the nightmare
not a tear shed
on my part,
your sinking
turns rivers
when the light hits your eyes, you're too blind to see. snd when you're all alone, you have to act like a king.
love of old, it seems to last. history just won't stay in the past.

Tuesday, January 23, 2001

another week of dreams
come true,
a month away
and in her arms.

Monday, January 22, 2001

somehow it seems like my freinds just stole each other and forgot about me

fuck you all

if i cared i would be hurt
its hard to write when you dont let yourself feel anything. i dont know how to start feeling though. i am sorry i havent written anything. sorry i havent said anything of significance to...anyone, ever... it seems. if i did feel, i would care. and i bet if i did feel and care and said things, they would be important and meaningful. i would tell you how much i cared about you. because really, i do somehow, and would even more if i felt anything. sorry i cant do that. maybe things would be different if i couldve. maybe i could matter to someone somewhere...
i mean... i always thought i felt things. i still do usually. i usually think that i'm very feeling and sensitive and heartbroken but in reality it doesnt matter. deep down i can just go on and let nothing affect me.
or maybe i just like to tell myself that.


so easily broken and so easily put back together. starting the cycle for the sake of something to do. tear it apart. then, carefully collect the pieces for reparing. nimble hands place it all into the original spot. declaring victory once again. seemingly perfect to the careless eye.